Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
