carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
