No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
