I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
