I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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