When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
