I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you inspire me to be a worse person
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
