I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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