i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
