Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
