There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
