Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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