you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
