Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
