There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
