Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
