I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize