Jerry, you need to find god
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
