Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
