So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
