the condom got lost in my hair
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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