this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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