Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
