Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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