he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
