I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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