Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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