i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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