Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
