literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
