My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
