I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
