i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize