i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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