This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
