Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
