Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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