that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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