ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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