Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
