the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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