Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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