How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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