like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
