i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
