WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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