Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
