Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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