He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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