I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
