My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
