I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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