we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
