highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
