Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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