It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
