Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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