Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
