even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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