i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
