Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
