I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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