I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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