Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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