you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
