I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
