my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
