we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
