stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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