So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
