IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
