Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
