I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
