Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
