What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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