i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize