Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
