I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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