i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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