i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
