She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
