I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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