so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
