what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
