Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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