i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
