Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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