hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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