And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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