i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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