I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
