My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
