I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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