Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
