I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
