did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
