i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just cut my nipple shaving
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
