dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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