i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize