The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A bitchslap is in order.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
