just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
