If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
