Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize