I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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