The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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