pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
