I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
