I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
