i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
