I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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