but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
