So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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