I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
