allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
