So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Oh god it's open bar.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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