His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize