I hate all girls vehemently.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
