I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
