Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
