And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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