eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
