filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
