Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
